Today at counseling we had a good discussion. I am grieving the loss of alcohol in my life but working towards becoming a new woman. A strong and sober woman with strong self confidence. The longer I am sober, the stronger of a woman I will become and the better my self esteem will be. I have a new identity. I do believe this. My body is healthy and my insides are probably celebrating my sobriety. I have a choice every day to drink or not to drink, and choosing not to drink makes me stronger.
I have been worried about telling certain friends that I don't drink and also one of my sisters. I don't have to worry about what others think about me not drinking alcohol. I am a new person. I cannot control what others think and can't get in their minds so I need to let my concern for this go. If they think I'm boring, that's fine, they can think that.
Lately I have been replacing alcohol with sugar. I have seen some alcoholic tendencies starting with my sugar consumption. I hid the brownies from my husband a couple weeks ago because I didn't want him to see how much I had eaten. He really doesn't care how many brownies I eat but these behaviors of mine are very similar to alcohol abuse. Hiding the brownies just like alcohol. I kept going back to the brownies until I had eaten them all and felt sick. Eating too much, just like drinking too much.
My therapist told me that maybe I should stop sugar for a while until I get some more recovery for alcoholism. I don't' know if I want to, we'll see. I think I'd rather just promise not to hide what I'm eating and only eat a serving size.
The quality of my life is majorly improving. From washing my face at night and flossing my teeth, to feeling alert and happy in the morning when I wake up. So grateful for recovery.
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